Friday, April 30, 2010
https://cid-6871096f639e2c34.skydrive.live.com/self.aspx/.BlogImages/image001[2].jpg
https://cid-6871096f639e2c34.skydrive.live.com/self.aspx/.BlogImages/image001[2].jpg
Yes, someone figured it out ..... this is how the stimulus payment works.
Yes, someone figured it out ..... this is how the stimulus payment works.
ON THE LIGHTER SIDE - - -
Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting program, and I 'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers .
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
* I f you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .
* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.
* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China ...
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala ..
* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .
* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .
* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
1) Spending it at yard sales, or
2) Going to ball games, or
3) Spending it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer or
5) Tattoos.
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )
Conclusion:
Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !
No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.
NOW GET OUT THERE AND LEND YOUR SUPPORT!!!
trucker
trucker
A trucker who had been out on the road for three straight weeks stopped at abrothel outside Vegas. He walked straight up to the Madam, plopped down $500.00 and said, "I wantyour ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich." The Madam was astonished. She said, "OK, sir, but do you know that for that kind of money you couldhave two of my finest ladies, plus a three-course meal??" The trucker replied, "Listen, sweetie. I ain't horny .... I'm homesick!"
Thursday, April 29, 2010
subject: "January 2013"
January 2013
One sunny day in January 2013 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer
president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said,
"Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
"See you tomorrow, Sir."
January 2013
One sunny day in January 2013 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer
president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away. The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said,
"Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
"See you tomorrow, Sir."
THESE ARE GOOD< SAD BUT TRUE.
1. What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
2. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
3. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?
Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.
4. Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
5. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
6. How can you make your wife mad while making love?
Call her from your cell phone.
7. What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard on her wedding night?
His last name.
8. What's the down side to a threesome?
You'll likely disappoint two women instead of just one.
9. How do you know you're really ugly?
Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.
10. Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car.
11. What's the similarity between a hurricane and an Alabama divorce?
Somebody's gonna' lose a trailer.
You can drop her off anywhere.
2. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
3. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?
Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.
4. Where does virgin wool come from?
Ugly sheep.
5. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?
It isn't hard.
6. How can you make your wife mad while making love?
Call her from your cell phone.
7. What does the bride of a Polish man get that's long and hard on her wedding night?
His last name.
8. What's the down side to a threesome?
You'll likely disappoint two women instead of just one.
9. How do you know you're really ugly?
Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.
10. Why are hurricanes named after women?
Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car.
11. What's the similarity between a hurricane and an Alabama divorce?
Somebody's gonna' lose a trailer.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
A new minister was walking with an older, more seasoned minister in the
A new minister was walking with an older, more seasoned minister in the
garden one day.
Feeling a bit insecure about what God had for him to do, he was asking the
older preacher for some advice.
The older preacher walked up to a rosebush and handed the young preacher a
rosebud and told him to open it without tearing off any petals.
The young preacher looked in disbelief at the older preacher and was
trying to figure out what a rosebud could possibly have to do with his wanting
to know the will of God for his life and ministry.
But because of his great respect for the older preacher, he proceeded to
try to unfold the rose, while keeping every petal intact.
It wasn't long before he realized how impossible this was to do.
Noticing the younger preacher's inability to unfold the rosebud without
tearing it, the older preacher began to recite the following poem...
"It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design;
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine."
"The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I.
GOD opens this flower so easily,
But in my hands they die."
"If I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I have the wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?"
"So I'll trust in God for leading
Each moment of my day.
I will look to God for guidance
In each step of the way."
"The path that lies before me,
Only my Lord knows.
I'll trust God to unfold the moments,
Just as He unfolds the rose."
Please share this poem with a friend if you enjoyed being reminded to let
go and let God unfold your life.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
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