Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Mortuary (2005)
Mortuary (2005)
APRIL 15, 2008
GENRE: SUPERNATURAL
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)
In retrospect, it’s kind of a good thing that Tobe Hooper made a real lot of crap in the 80s and especially the 90s. Because it forever lowered my expectations for his newer films, and then I happily enjoy them. It worked for Toolbox Murders, and now it worked again for Mortuary (which has the same writers – maybe it’s just them. His Dance of the Dead MoH is the worst thing he, or anyone else, has ever made). It’s no Chain Saw or Poltergeist, but it’s enjoyable, which is more than I can say for anything Carpenter has done since 1996.
Old reports on Bloody-Disgusting say that this film is supposed to be set in Arkham, Massachusetts, but I don’t see that mentioned anywhere. In fact, on the DVD, the making-of shows a scene where they have to redo a line because the script is no longer set in Pomona, CA (where it was filmed). So I dunno where the hell its supposed to be, but it’s certainly not Massachusetts (there is still some Lovecraftian influence in the film – mainly a quote on one of the tombs). And I was also a bit puzzled by the setting, as the kid complains that they are in the middle of nowhere, but it’s clearly just a Los Angeles suburb.
Speaking of the kid (Dan Byrd - who incidentally starred in a remake of Hooper's Salem's Lot), he, the hot female co-star, and the town real estate guy have the absolute most annoying voices ever heard in a film. Byrd sounds like he’s talking in his sleep, and practically sings half of his lines; the girl sounds like a damn frog, and real estate guy just laughs like Dr. Hibbert almost nonstop. Luckily he’s not around much (this is NOT another real estate horror movie, hurrah!).
On that note, it actually took me a while to figure out WHAT kind of horror movie this was. Slasher? Zombie? Witch? It’s a slow burn, and that’s kind of why I liked it. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time and developing character, setting atmosphere, all that good stuff that is often skipped over (especially in DTV movies). On the commentary, it’s revealed that a PG-13 was considered, and honestly, the trimming it would take to make this a reality would hardly be damaging; the film would still work without the occasional gore or F bomb. Besides, any movie with the line “Together we can stop graveyard babies!” is automatically at least OK. The eventual menace is pretty unique – this sort of wiry sludge stuff (it looks like a spider’s leg) that sort of zombifies you. And there’s a really cool side effect – everyone just repeats one of the last things they said when they were alive.
It’s also kind of a downer. Just about everyone dies, and other than a few requisite punk kids, they’re all nice, good people. As I pointed out in the Lake Dead review, when they only kill off the people who do something bad, the movie automatically loses the possibility of suspense.
The only real bummer is that the ending is pretty effects heavy, and the effects aren’t very good. It’s one thing when bad effects are just the order of the day, but when they more or less “save them” for the finale, they should be a lot better than what is shown here. Hilariously, on the commentary track, Hooper points out “those are CGI rocks”, as if there was any doubt.
The commentary is otherwise pretty good; Hooper’s interesting to listen to, and he talks about a lot of the production troubles (CA was hit with the worst rain in 50 years during production – sinking sets and the like) and other nuts and bolts stuff. They shower a bit too much praise on the average acting, but that’s OK. Speaking of the actors – the bully I mentioned before is played by Bug Hall! Fucking Alfalfa from the terrible 1994 Little Rascals movie! Sweet!
There is also a decent enough, and lengthy, making-of documentary. It covers a lot of the same ground, but instead of Hooper praising the actors, we see a lot of the actors and crew gushing about Hooper. Everyone loves everyone, yay! There’s also a hilarious bit of Adam Gierasch, one of the writers, getting lunch while in his corpse makeup.
Give it a watch. It’s nothing particularly amazing or anything, but it’s solid, old school (except for the CG) slow-burn horror.
What say you?
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
North Carolina Bigfoot spotted in Cleveland County. The man in North Carolina fended off the Bigfoot creature with a stick before chasing him back into the woods. Tim Peeler said the Bigfoot was 10 feet tall, and he wanted him off his North Carolina property.
"This thing was 10 feet tall," Peeler said in a statement. "It had beautiful hair." Peeler was trying to call coyotes but believes he coaxed the mythical Bigfoot out of the woods.
"I rough-talked him... I said get away from here. Get, get! And he went back down that path again," Peeler said. The mountain man went outside to investigate after hearing grunts and screeches outside his home. Peeler said the Sasquatch beast went after his dogs. However, the creature returned again and Peeler called 911 for help.
Bigfoot sightings in North Carolina is something new for deputies in Cleveland County. They filed a report and are trying to keep an open mind about the situation. Sgt. Mark Self, a Cleveland County deputy, said he remembers the stories of Bigfoot from when he was a kid growing up. "In those days, the stories centered on the beast breaking into chicken houses and killing the birds."
"This thing was 10 feet tall," Peeler said in a statement. "It had beautiful hair." Peeler was trying to call coyotes but believes he coaxed the mythical Bigfoot out of the woods.
"I rough-talked him... I said get away from here. Get, get! And he went back down that path again," Peeler said. The mountain man went outside to investigate after hearing grunts and screeches outside his home. Peeler said the Sasquatch beast went after his dogs. However, the creature returned again and Peeler called 911 for help.
Bigfoot sightings in North Carolina is something new for deputies in Cleveland County. They filed a report and are trying to keep an open mind about the situation. Sgt. Mark Self, a Cleveland County deputy, said he remembers the stories of Bigfoot from when he was a kid growing up. "In those days, the stories centered on the beast breaking into chicken houses and killing the birds."
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The world has been overcome by Zombies.
The world has been overcome by Zombies. In a time where resources are scarce, it is up to YOU to destroy the hoard and take back what is rightfully ours.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Get Rid of Insects the Natural Way (Really!)
Get Rid of Insects the Natural Way (Really!)http://railroader2.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!6871096F639E2C34!405.trak
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Cherokee Indians youth's rite of pass
'Porky's' Cast: Where Are They Now?
Cherokee Indians youth's rite of pass
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indians youth's rite of passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone.
Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold.
It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold.
It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him.
He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone.
Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us.
When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
If you liked this story, pass it on.
If not, perhaps you took off your blindfold before dawn.
Moral of the Story:
Just because you can't see God, doesn't mean He is not there. 'For we walk by faith, not by sight.' ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7
Cherokee Indians youth's rite of pass
Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indians youth's rite of passage?
His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him and leaves him alone.
He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.
He cannot cry out for help to anyone.
Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.
He cannot tell the other boys of this experience because each lad must come into manhood on his own.
The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him. Maybe even some human might do him harm. The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold.
It would be the only way he could become a man!
Finally, after a horrific night, the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold.
It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him.
He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.
We, too, are never alone.
Even when we don't know it, our Heavenly Father is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us.
When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.
If you liked this story, pass it on.
If not, perhaps you took off your blindfold before dawn.
Moral of the Story:
Just because you can't see God, doesn't mean He is not there. 'For we walk by faith, not by sight.' ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
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